Went out for drinks with cafe and bookstore people at Moody’s Pub. Glad I went. Was different than last weekend when I felt out of place. This time I was outgoing and made people laugh and used social skills like focusing on other people. I did an impression of the terror we all feel when the manager approaches and made everyone laugh. I’m feeling connected to Chicago now and I’m not sure I want to move away. Maybe I will look for another job here and stay here. A cafe coworker is an actor and was an extra in Divergent. Someone mentioned it tonight and I thought about how maybe acting isn’t so impossible. Tonight I felt like the self I was in high school, when I was funny, social and friendly. I focused on having fun and loving people.
Had a good morning. Teacher I carpool with surprised me with a coffee. Helped second grade teachers administer academic tests and one of them said she was bummed to hear I’m not coming back next year. Proctored tests for eighth grade and one of the teachers gave me an applesauce cupcake. Afternoon was okay. Energy wore off and had to drag myself to complete tasks and pick up groceries after work. Came home and made chick pea salad for dinner. Now I’m sitting in my room with tea, achy feet and no plans.
Typing from bed. Took a much needed sick day today after encouraged to use up sick days since I can’t cash them out at the end of the year. Was so tired. Spoon fed myself slowly in bed as if recovering from illness and sipped tea like it was medicine. Wondered if the reason I’m always tired is related to the enlarged thyroid I found out I had when I went to the ENT. Jogged to the beach and walked back. Sat at desk to make appointment with doctor and dentist. Was overwhelmed with who to choose so put everything away and cleaned room. Silvia came home and asked me to do something with her because Cynthia was at work. We talked for awhile in the hallway, kitchen and dining room and then went out for dinner at Chipotle. Ate entire burrito bowl and felt comatose. Was a little bit depressed afterward about having spent more money on expensive restaurant food. Yesterday worked both jobs. Alex came to visit me at the cafe and we smoked outside on my 15 minute break. We talked about our crushes, food, money and the low condition of our spirits. College friend Bo called me Tuesday night and asked the dreaded question of what I do to fill my time.
Feeling bummed about how much time I waste. What I want more than anything right now is direction.